Nine Online Dating Profile Clichés That Piss Me Right The F Off

They’re also what’s possibly killing the dating app industry.

“She’s fluent in sarcasm, too? That’s the third one in ten minutes.” (Made with Midjourney)

Online dating is a pathetic slog anymore. Which is why I gave it up years ago. It’s like rummaging through the junk drawer looking for your favorite keyring, and instead finding a rusty pair of scissors, chewed-up No. 2 pencils, and a coupon for Lay’s Potato Chips that expired 18 months ago.

Dating apps make it easy to doom scroll through infinite faces, thumbing left or right with snap decisions. Though I found it was often what was written (or the lack thereof) in the bios that put me off, no matter the attractiveness of the face. People put so little thought into their profiles when it’s all you have to go on.

Your writing reveals a lot about you. What and how you write can indicate your intelligence, wit, self-awareness, education, social class, and perhaps even your character.

Here are some annoying cliché phrases I came across far too often, and my no-holds-barred opinions of them.

“If you want to know more, just ask.”

Thank God, because I have a detailed census questionnaire to send your way.