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Join A Class Action Lawsuit To Fight A Horrendous, Unimaginable, Unspeakable Evil
Should I join in this fight for “justice?”
A few weeks ago I got an email from Amazon alerting me that I’m party to a class action lawsuit against Clif Bar & Company.
You know Clif Bars, I’m sure. Those little brown rectangular granola “sustained energy” bars that cost way too much. The bougie version of those super crumbly Nature Valley bars. The bars with the wrapper that shows some guy mountain climbing that makes you think, “Oh my God, if I eat these I could be a mountain climber, too.”
Well evidently, Clif Bars has gone and done something heinous. Something awful. Something so terrible that some guy named Ralph Milan went and filed a class action lawsuit against the company.
What did Clif Bars do? Did they fiendishly put fentanyl in select bars, hoping to cull part of the active granola-eating population like some mad comic book villain? Did they replace some bars with plastic explosive set to detonate when the wrappers were opened? Did they replace the raisins with the calcified bodies of cockroaches?
What devilishly malicious scheme did Clif Bars do to warrant the ire of Ralph?
